I remember when I was first thinking of having a baby with my husband several years ago. At that point, my heart was positively overflowing with love for the man I had chosen to be the father of my child.Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same for myself.
I had no problem offering love to other people: my family, my friends, people I met on the street. I could smile at the grocery store cashier but I couldn’t smile at myself in the mirror. I could say, “You’re amazing,” to my best friend, but it would never even occur to me to say something so positive to myself. The whole idea of self-love was a totally foreign concept to me, not because I had never heard of it before but because I had never actually experienced it.
My husband, on the other hand, has no problem with self-love. Whereas I’ve always given my inner critic a megaphone, my husband has seemingly silenced his with duct tape. Subconsciously I probably hoped his own self-love would somehow rub off on me and I would get to skip over all of the work I’ve done over the past few years to get to the point where I can say, “I love you, Jolinda” and not feel like a total fraud.
What Does Self-Love Look Like?
Loving yourself doesn’t mean blowing yourself kisses in the mirror every day. It does, however, involve honoring and accepting yourself as a beautiful human being who deserves only the very best. If you love yourself you will identify with most of the following:
- You know that you are enough. Always.
- You feel comfortable in your own skin.
- You are confident in your decisions.
- You make taking care of yourself a priority.
- You set limits and say “no” when necessary.
- You are in touch with your own needs and can readily voice them.
- You forgive yourself for your mistakes.
- You seek out help and support when you need it.
- You effortlessly choose foods that nourish your body.
- You know that wherever you are is exactly where you are meant to be.
Can Greater Self-Love Help Me Get Pregnant?
Let me just answer this question with a big fat YES! Your level of self-love affects your fertility because it affects the choices that you make for yourself every day. Getting pregnant isn’t always as easy as we would like. As the months without a positive pregnancy test go by, the following behaviors can sneak in and push us even further away from the baby we so want to conceive:
- Self-criticism
- Low self-esteem
- Comfort eating
- Drinking
- Smoking
- Obsessive thinking
- Lack of exercise
- Lack of self-care
- Isolation
- Fear
If these fertility foes were dragons, self-love would be the knight in shining armor that protects you against them. The self-love you have prior to becoming pregnant will also help you to better manage the challenges of pregnancy itself and the trials and tribulations of motherhood thereafter.
In Traditional Chinese Medicine, the uterus is considered to be a direct extension of the heart and the kidneys and is thus affected by the dominant emotional states of these two organs. According to Dr. Aimee Raupp in her book, Yes, You Can Get Pregnant, “the heart’s emotional component is positively influenced by joy and passion and is negatively affected by worry and anxiety. The kidneys are positively influenced by courage and confidence and negatively affected by fear and trauma.”
Self-love in, fear and worry out.
By cultivating greater self-love, you will approach life with greater joy, confidence, and courage. As far as passion goes, I have yet to meet a woman who loved herself who was not absolutely passionate about life.
When considering self-love and its relationship to fertility, I can’t help but think of my neighbor who just gave birth to her third daughter after 40. She exudes confidence, radiates positivity, and still holds her husband’s hand whenever they walk down the street even after more than 20 years together. Being in their presence, it’s undeniable that she has the same profound love for herself as she does for her partner. When I ran into her the day before she went into labor, I asked her if she was nervous. She told me, “No, I’m not nervous. My body is wise. It knows just what to do.” It’s this kind of unshakeable inner strength that a high degree of self-love makes possible.
How do you want to welcome new life into the world? With self-criticism, fear and doubt or with positivity, confidence, and love?
I take it you chose the second option. Great! The first step is acknowledging that you want more self-love in your life. Now let’s talk about how to make that happen.
If you’re interested in working with me as a Fertility Coach to maximize your chances of conception and feel empowered on your fertility journey, please contact me at info@jolindajohnson.com.
I would love to talk to you about how we can work together to reach your most desired goals.